Why do I do it if I don't want to know the outcome?

So we all know that I'm a reincarnation of Nancy Drew. I certainly don't believe in reincarnation, but every now and then I stop and wonder. Certain things that have happened in my life have caused me to be this way. People can't lie to me, because I will find out. Somehow, someway I will find out. That's just who I am and that's just what I do.

Now....with that said. I honestly hate that I have created this thought process in my mind that I must analyze, interrogate, and investigate everything and everyone that comes into my life. It is very hard for me to trust people. When I was young, I trusted everyone. Now, not so much. How do I fix this, how do I change it? I know that the Bible talks about trusting God. That I can handle. It's people in the world. And people who represent themselves as Christians.

In Psalm 118:8-9, it clearly states " It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in princes." How true is this. Man can not be trusted.

I used to trust anyone and everyone that I met. I would give them the benefit of the doubt until he/she betrayed me. Unfortunately the latter has happened more often than not, which leaves me to where I am today. Some of the things that I have found out about certain people who have come and gone in my life have honestly disturbed me. These things have caused me a lot of heartache and sadness. So why do I continue to do it? Is it better to know these things than to not know. What starts off harmless, ends up breaking my heart. I always get hurt in the end.

I have learned that given any opportunity, the people you trust the most will lie to you, say things behind your back, or just make up completely crazy stories. All because they don't think you will find out. That's when we realize how small the world actually is.

Is there a way to cut off my curiosity? Is there anything in the Bible that talks about being curious and always wanting to know answers to everything. I am a very content person, but not when it comes to people. It's like I'm not content until I know for sure if they are being truthful and honest.

When I meet someone, I want to trust that person. I want to know that everything he is saying is actually coming from the heart and aren't just words spoken. Until I know that it is someone that God has sent for me, I don't think I will be content with words that are spoken to me. Actions speak louder than words. That's definitely for sure.

Does anyone else have this problem?

Onto another note. I went to church this past Sunday with Jessica and it was wonderful. Amazing worship music and when I left, I actually felt like I had worshipped God instead of sitting in a pew, ready to fall asleep. The guy that preached Sunday talked about a book that I had never heard of before. The book is called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. He says that the entire staff had read the book and it was just amazing. Here comes my curiosity again. So I go and purchase the book.

Wow! That's really all I can say. I'm currently getting ready to start Chapter 4 and already am in complete awe of my different view on God. And no it's not in a bad way. Francis Chan writes in a way that makes you think differently than you normally would. He really puts God into perspective and how we try and live a right life and do things the right way, but are we really in a love relationship with God?

Sure, there are a lot of people who have been married for years and years and years. But are they happy? I honestly don't believe you can actually be completely in love with someone until you really know what love is. God is love. To love God is the ultimate gift to ourselves. Until you know God's love for you, can you really express it to someone else. It just becomes words. That is why it takes 3 to make a marriage work. Sure that couple will still have problems, but they will love each other till the end. They will take their vows seriously and when they are spoken, will be a way of life, not just words out of a mouth.

To love someone the way that God loves us, that is what love is about. God's love will pour out of you. Everything else will just fall into place.

Another part of the book demonstrates how we feel that the life we live on this Earth is all about us. It's not about us. It's about God. Like the book states, when we die, no one is going to remember what we drove, or where we lived, or what job we had. What is going to matter is how we served God and what we did for His kingdom and for others here on Earth. Life is like a vapor. It is here and gone in the blink of an eye. Stand up for what is true. We know that the Bible is true. We know that is God's word and His guide for our life. Be prepared to be knocked down when you are standing for Him.

Like the quote says "God never promised life would be easy...He just promised it would be worth it."

I absolutely LOVE worship music. There are some amazing God given talents out there in the Christian music world. I talk a lot about Kari Jobe. Now she possesses the heart of God. Then there is Darlene Zschech with Hillsong. What another amazing powerful voice. One of the songs by Hillsong is called "Here in my Life." Such strong and powerful lyrics:

I have never walked on water
felt the waves beneath my feet but
at Your word Lord, I'll receive Your
faith to walk on oceans deep

and I remember how You found me
in the very same place
all my failings surely would have drowned me
still You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus, You're the reason
I'm kneeling again at Your throne
where would I be without You here in my life
here in my life

These are not all of the lyrics, but just a snippet of what the song is about. What amazing words spoken about our Savior. Where would we be without Him in our lives. He is our freedom and He is the reason for our life. He is the reason for everything.

Thank you Lord for opening my eyes this week. I'm forever changed by you.


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