This past Thursday, September 24, 2009 we buried my cousin Sabrina. I had just seen her 3 weeks prior when I was home and for whatever reason, that trip home made my heart break for my cousins. Sabrina, Kanyon, Kalyn, Kalyn (yes I have 2 cousins named Kalyn...one on each side of the family), even Cody and Gavin who aren't my cousins but might as well be as much as I have been around them my whole life. There is an epidemic going on people! It used to be cocaine overdoses and heroin overdoses. Then it was oxycontin overdoses. Now it's prescription drug overdoses. People are dying just by going to their doctor and getting prescriptions for controlled narcotic drugs. Prescription pills are not supposed to kill you. But if you start taking more than you are prescribed, there are going to be major consequences. Unfortunately our family has never questioned "if" we would bury Sabrina or any of the others, it has always been a matter of "when." Unfortunately, Sabrina's "when" came a lot sooner than we thought. Did we do enough to help her? That's the question I can't get out of my mind. She was a grown woman. She knew what she was doing. But still....did I do enough? Did our family do enough? Did anyone do enough to try and help her? This is where it becomes a personal decision.
You can't help someone who won't help themselves. Trust me, I've tried. My other family has tried. Not only with Sabrina, but many other of my family members. My dad used to be addicted to Xanex after he was in a car accident 15 years ago that ended his wrestling career. It started with depression. My dad was on top of the world! He was wrestling for WCW down in Atlanta and getting ready to do a match with WWF, when his entire dreams were taken away from him in an instant. A lady ran a stop sign at 70 mile an hour and t-boned my dad's car as he was on his way to the hospital to see my grandfather who was getting ready to pass away. My grandpa ended up living 2 more months, but my dad was in the hospital for almost a month with his brain bleeding and his back broke. When they finally let him out, he was on every painkiller imaginable.
I've never written about this and I've never really talked about it.
Within 7 days of my dad being out of the hospital, he was addicted to Xanex. I was only 13 at the time, but I would constantly hear people in town talking about my dad and how everytime they would see him, he was slurring so bad they couldn't even understand him when he talked. He would literally drool all over the place because he was so out of it. This went on for quite awhile. Finally he went to rehab. Until this past week, I never knew what happened after that. Maybe I blocked that part of my life out, I don't know. But after burying Sabrina this past week, my dad told me how he finally stopped abusing the prescription drugs. He told me that he didn't want me getting older and having to visit his grave knowing that he didn't have to die. He realized that having a child was worth more than any drug that he could ever take. He told me he was ordered to mandatory 72 hours of rehab and after those 72 hours were up, they told him that it would be better for him to stay longer and he agreed.
That was 12 years ago. I am proud to say that my father is no longer addicted to these drugs. Because of his accident and his back was broke and his brain was bleeding, he does have a morphine pump that is installed inside him. The doctors say he will have it the rest of his life.
I'm so grateful that I was able to go home and be with my family this past week. I saw Jessica the first night I was home and some pretty incredible things were happening. It blew both of us away. God's hands were all over this tragic situation. I really honestly believe that God was preparing me and Jessica and it started weeks ago. When I was home at the end of August, Jess and I were driving back to Medaryville from Michigan City and we were talking. We both said that we felt like something was getting ready to happen to our family. Something to wake our family up. The preacher at my church I went to back at home, told Jessica over a year ago that God spoke to him and God was going to do something to show the Shepperd family and wake them up. Boy has He ever!
I pray that people start opening their eyes and wake up and realizing that there is soooo much more to life! All I hear from people back home is that they take this pill and that pill, this drug and that drug because their life is so horrible and they don't have a job, or money, or a house, or whatever. They don't stop to think that the problem lies in what they are choosing to do over those things. They are making those drugs their god. When we put things before God, He is going to take them away from us. My dad is a HUGE example. God allowed my dad's accident to happen right when my dad was at the height of his wrestling career. Why? My dad used to be a VERY blessed Christian man. Then he started his wrestling career and he made that his god. He put wrestling before God and God took it away from him. My dad and I have had this conversation many times and he knows its the truth. I've seen things like this happen more often than not.
Exodus 20:3 says "You shall have no other gods before Me." (NIV) God is a jealous God. He doesn't want anybody to put anything in front of Him. He wants to be our everything. We are truly blessed that the same God that created all of this earth, wants us to love Him more than anything in this world.
If you are sad, lonely, depressed, or just think that nothing ever goes right for you...give it all to God! I'm not talking about just turning your problems over to Him (even though He would love to take care of them for you) but I'm talking about turning your LIFE over to Him. Let God take control of your life. Fully surrender to Him and see how your life can be transformed. It's not always going to be sunshine and flowers, but even through the hard times you will ALWAYS have someone there to lean on, to talk to, to cry to, and to love. This world that we live in nowadays is HARD. It is a cruel and evil world. If we didn't have God to turn to, who would we have? No one! The people of this world will let you down. Even Christians will sometimes let you down. But there is One who will NEVER let you down! When you are carrying your cross for Jesus, you will be attacked. You will be mocked and you will be scrutinized. And why shouldn't you be? Look how they treated Jesus! What makes us any better that we wouldn't get the same treatment?
When I was in Israel, I bought this statue made from the olive wood tree. It is a statue of Jesus and He is carrying His cross. It is a constant reminder of God's love for us. Jesus was so obedient that He gave His life for us on that cross. He carried that huge cross so that our selfish sins would be forgiven. He died so that we would have eternal life. Look around! Life is so short...life is but a vapor. People die everyday, all day. It's not a matter of "if," its a matter of "when." Are you ready? If you were to go to sleep tonight and never wake up again on this earth, do you know where you would wake up and spend eternity?
Foolish decisions lead to eternal consequences....
Jesus, I will carry my cross for You!
I will carry my cross for You,
I'll walk in Your footsteps my whole life through.
I'll do anything You would have me to do,
Jesus, I will carry my cross for You...
Most of my life, I traveled down,
The road of my own choosing.
You taught that if a man saves his own life,
His life he'll be losing...
I will carry my cross for You,
I'll walk in Your footsteps my whole life through.
I'll do anything You would have me to do,
Jesus, I will carry my cross for You...
They cursed You, they spit on You,
They beat You and mocked You in the streets,
They drove those cold steel spikes,
Through Your hands and your feet.
They thrust that spear into Your side.
I want to live for You, 'cause
It was for me You died...
I will carry my cross for You,
I'll walk in Your footsteps my whole life through.
I'll do anything You would have me to do,
Jesus, I will carry my cross for you...
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