How do you dream when you can't fall asleep?

Life and all of her different directions...

Life is full of different avenues and streets.  I have traveled down many different streets that I never knew existed.
I leave for Las Vegas on Friday for the ARDA conference.  ARDA stands for the American Resort Development Association and this will be their annual conference.  This annual conference is the biggest in the resort industry.  I can't wait to network and meet so many new people.   We will be there for a week and staying at the Venetian.  I can't wait., what can I say? One of the most unbelieveable places I have ever been.  I pray that one day I will have another chance to go.  To be in the same place where Jesus spoke so many of His precious words.  It truly is God's country.  Standing at the Mt. of Beatitudes and overlooking the Sea of Galilee was breathtaking.  Other than me catching some sort of virus and having to have an Israeli doctor come to the hotel room and then my roommate for the week ending up in an Israeli hospital and having to have surgery, it was the trip of a lifetime.  I took over 2,000 pictures and none of them do it justice.  I do have a scar on my right leg from falling in the Dead Sea and scraping up my leg.  HAHA  It's a good reminder scar though.

To stand at the Garden of Gethsemane where Jesus prayed so hard that his tears turned to blood.  If we all just lived a life like His.

To stand in the pit that Jesus was lowered into after he was arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane.  The only way into the pit at that time, was to be lowered through a hole in the roof.
What a privelege.  I stood where Jesus spent his last night before being placed on the cross.
How did I ever get so lucky?

A lot of people have been asking me if I am okay with everything that has happened with me and Gregg.  To be honest, i'm completely fine.  There are some things in life that just don't work out.  This was one of them.  God is the author of love, the painter of wonder, and the creator of heaven.  Why would He not want people to be in love?  From day one, I just wanted to love him and be loved.  Why did it have to be a game?
This is the strongest I've ever been in my walk with God.  He doesn't understand that, because he didn't know me before I met him.  Anyone that knows me, knows the complete 180 that I have turned.  For that, I can thank him. Other than that, I dont need a constant reminder of the mistakes that we made.  God is about forgiveness, not about shame.

I'm going to be moving to Lexington, SC soon.  I can't wait.  I need a change in my life.  I'm getting pretty good at running away.  I like being single.  I like being my own person. My heart doesn't get broken that way.
How can we really plan on forever with someone?  Forever changes quite often.

I'm enjoying my life to the best of my ability.  Life is short.  Why spend life regretting everything?  I don't regret anything I've ever done in my life.  It has made me the person that I am today.  Accept it.  I cant change it.
My new favorite song is "Scratch" by Kendall Payne.  At first I just loved the melody of it and how soft it was.  Then I listened to the words.  A few days ago, this would have been my theme song.
Not anymore.  I'm taking back control of my life and the people who I want to be in it.  I dont need negativity in my life.  I don't need any unnecessary drama.  Life shouldn't be that hard.  Just let go and let God.  Give all of worries and cares to Him and you can never go wrong.  He will never lead you astray.

"Scratch" by Kendall Payne
it's a big girl world now
full of big girl things
and everyday i wish i was small

i've been counting on nothing
but he keeps giving me his word
and i'm tired of hearing myself speak
do you get weary? do you ever get weak?
how do you dream when you can't fall asleep?

i've been wondering what you're thinking
and if you like my dress tonight
would you still say you love me under this ordinary moonlight?
i'm so afraid of what you'd say

i'd like to know if you'd be open to starting over from scratch
i'd like to know if you'd be open to giving me a second chance

i used to think i was special
and only i have proved me wrong
i thought i could change the world with a song
but i have ended up in india
with no map to guide me home
strangest place i think i've ever been
and all this time i thought that we were friends
my stubborn will is learning to bend

i'd like to know if you'd be open to starting over from scratch
i'd like to know if you'd be open to giving me a second chance

it's a big girl world now
full of big girl things
and everyday i wish i was small 


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