Jesus, You are always by my side....

I had the privilege to see Tenth Avenue North in concert with Beth a few weeks ago.  What an amazing time of worship.  This song "By Your Side" has always been very close to my heart.  The words are absolutely amazing and love just pours out of them.  I wanted to break the lyrics down and right about how I view each line of the lyrics and how they have applied to somethings in my life and in other's lives that I have seen.  


Why are you striving these days - Life is always about striving for something better.  With everything we do in life, we always want more.  Why??  Why can't we ever be content?  Jesus tells us that He is enough for our lives.  When will we ever be content with knowing that what Jesus has taught us is the reality of life.  He allows the longing in our hearts so that we will turn to Him, not turn to people or things.  

Why are you trying to earn grace - Jesus paid a price for our sins.  By being obedient, He paid our sin debt.  It is a free gift of salvation!  Why do we always feel like we have to earn it from Him.  He chose to provide it to us freely.

Why are you crying - We cry because we can't handle it anymore.  We cry because we don't have the answers.  We cry because life isn't going our way.  But Jesus went to prepare a place for us....a Holy City...the NEW Jerusalem.  Where there will be no more sorrow, no more tears, and no more pain.  But we must put our trust in Him in order to experience the Holy City....So why are we crying?  We should be rejoicing that one day we will have a new body...we will be like Jesus...

Let me lift up your face - This is all about trusting Jesus.  I have the HARDEST time with trust.  I have allowed people in my lives who have betrayed my trust and who still continue to betray it.  The word "trust" means to have confidence or faith in.  All to often we put our confidence and faith into man and flesh and things of this world instead of putting our faith and confidence into the One who can take all of our pain away.  There is only one that we can FULLY trust and that is Jesus.  Hebrews 13:5 says "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."  I can imagine right now, God standing in front of me right now, putting His hands on my face, staring me in the eyes saying.."Tiffany, I will never leave you nor forsake you.  I can deliver you from everything that keeps you from Me.  I can restore your heart and allow you to trust again." But first I know that I must learn how to WHOLEHEARTEDLY trust and seek Him because He is the only way that I will truly be able to trust again.

Just don't turn away - Wow...what words..."Just don't turn away"  Why is it that when we reach our low point, we realize it's because we've turned away.  For whatever reason, we felt we could do it all on our own.  I have to constantly remind myself EVERYDAY that I can't do it on my own.  The minute I turn away from God, everything falls apart.  Even if its just for a second.  I've had to realize that this life is not my own.  My life was bought for a price that can never be fathomed.  

Why are you looking for love - Ouch....this happens to all of us.  Earthly love can get the best of us.  Trust me, I know all too well.  I do know for certain though, that in order to happy...truly happy and content and trusting and everything else that a TRUE marriage should be, it must be created by God.  He is the reason for existence.  He is a mighty God.  I have struggled with this same question from God for soooo long!  I was always looking for someone to complete.  Someone that I could give my heart to.  And guess what has happened.  My heart has been broken, over and over and over and over again.  That is not how God designed love.  God does not want us to give pieces of our heart to just any guy that comes along.  God is calling me to be single right now.  I know this.  God has a reason for everything and His plans overthrow my plans.  I would love to be married right now.  I would love to have a family right now.  But for whatever reason, God is saying otherwise.  It will happen when it's supposed to happen.  

Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough - This goes back to being content.  If we were TRULY content in Jesus, we wouldn't be searching for something else in our lives.  Our lives would be satisfied and fulfilled.  Even though it is human nature to desire more in our lives, we have to know what is of God and what isn't.  Are your desires based on your own wants and needs or Gods wants and needs.  I'm guilty of not truly giving up my wants for what God desires.  I struggle with this daily.  Why do I feel like I can handle the job better than God?  He wants to handle everything for me.  He wants to be enough for me.  He wants to be everything that I will ever need.  This life is but a vapor.  This life is short.  I know that without a doubt.  The death of Sabrina has changed me like I can't even imagine.  One breath.  That's all it is.  We are just one breath away from eternity. 

To where will you go child - In my life, I'm constantly on the go.  I'm always doing something or going somewhere.  Sometimes it's almost like I feel like I can run away from my problems.  But guess what.  They are there.  They go where I go.  Jesus is the same way.  It doesn't matter where I run to, He is always there.  He is always by my side whether I think He is or not.  He questions me and says "Where will you go if you will not go towards Me."  There isn't any other place that I want to be than safely under His amazing, heavenly embrace. 

Tell me where will you run - Jesus doesn't want me or you to run away.  He wants us to run towards Him.  At Sabrina's funeral, one of the songs I chose to play was "Footprints in the Sand" by Leona Lewis.  It tears me up to listen to it.  I wish everyone would listen to the words of this song.  Yes, it is based on the Footprints in the Sand poem, but the words come alive when they are sang.  There is a part that says "when I thought I lost my way, You give me the strength to carry on..."  These words burn into my heart and soul when I hear them.  Instead of running away, let Him pick you up and carry you.  May there only be one set of footprints.  Because then it is that moment that Jesus is not only walking beside us throughout our journey, but there are a few times along the way that He has to pick us up and carry us through our trials and burdens and temptations.  And He won't let us out of the safety of His arms until He knows it's safe for us to be put back on our feet.  

To where will you run - Once again, He is questioning why we run away from Him...

'Cause I'll be by your side - Once again, He will never leave us nor forsake us.  God's word is always true.  It is always faithful.  It is always the one thing that we can count on in life.  There have been so many times in my short walk with Christ that I have forgotten that He is by my side.  I have forgotten that He said He will never leave me.  It is then that I am constantly reminded of His amazing presence.  In most cases, it's almost like He is tapping me on the shoulder saying "Hey Tiff....don't forget, I'm still here.  I'll never leave you."

Wherever you fall - Romans 3:23 says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." The same word, "fall" yet just in this case 2 different meanings.  In one way it makes me think of wherever I am at, that I can drop to my knees and pray my heart and soul out to Jesus.  Jesus will be there to hear me.  Wherever I fall on my knees, it doesn't matter.  He is there to pick me back up again.  On the other hand, to me, it also means when I have sinned.  As a Christian, it doesn't mean I'm perfect.  It doesn't mean that I won't ever sin again.  No one is perfect.  Only our Father, who is in Heaven, is perfect.  When I have reached perfection, that is when God will call me home.  My hour will be up and I will take my last breath.  If I sin, I have to repent of my sin and have TRUE repentance.  Unfortunately, on numerous occasions I have tried to repent on my own terms.  This has only gotten me in trouble.   This is something I'm praying earnestly about.  With Jesus' amazing strength, He is molding me into a likeness of Him.  He is teaching me what is really means to be a Christian.  To be Christ Like.

In the dead of night - It doesn't matter what time it is.  Even if it's in the dead of night, He is there for me.  Like the Bible says, when Jesus comes back, He will come back like a thief in the night.  A lot of people fear the night.  I embrace it.  

Whenever you call - All I have to do is call on Jesus and He is ALWAYS there.  I can't express it enough.  When God speaks to me, it is absolutely amazing.  Until you have truly experienced it, you won't understand it.  God's discerning voice is like no other.  At any time that I'm in need, it seems that He is always there...ready to take the call.  Ready to answer.  Many times it may not be the answer I want to hear, but it will be the answer that fits His plans.  Not my plans.  

And please don't fight these hands that are holding you - There have been so many times that I have had a spiritual fight with Jesus.  With so many things in my life, I have thought that I could handle them my way.  I thought that I could take care of things my way.  But Jesus has always been there for me, holding on to me, so that I wouldn't fail miserably.  Jesus has allowed me to have my own free will.  And each time I mess things up, notice I said I and not Him, He is always there to pick me back up again.  That is what is amazing about my Jesus.  No matter what, He is always there. 

My hands are holding you - He will forever be there for me.

Look at these hands and my side - Do you know the torture that Jesus went through so that we wouldn't have to die a sinner?  Do you know the pain and suffering that Jesus bore for us? Do you know that when Jesus' side was pierced and water eventually was pouring out, it was because He had already shed ALL of His blood.  He didn't just shed some blood for us, HE SHED ALL OF HIS BLOOD FOR US!  Have you ever known of anyone to shed ALL of their blood and die, so that someone else might live?  

They swallowed the grave on that night - The night that Jesus was crucified, He knew He was going to conquer the grave.  He knew that by being obedient, He was going to SAVE each and everyone of us from our sins.  Unfortunately, so many people die without ever having a personal relationship with Jesus.  So many people die without having a Savior to lean upon.  Jesus went through TORTURE so that our sins could be forgiven.  The weight of the sin of this world, rested on His shoulders.  And He was alone.  Not one person tried to help Him down off that cross.  

When I drank the world's sin - Like I said earlier, He carried the ENTIRE weight of the world's sin on his shoulders.  It took a PERFECT sacrifice for our sins to be forgotten.  Jesus was an amazing obedient sacrifice for this world.  Look how we are repaying Him.  People curse His name, people deny His teachings, people deny Him.  This week someone said that he didn't believe that one being could be responsible for everyone's sin.  But there was.  God's plan was that in order for our sins to be forgiven, He had to have a perfect, clean, pure sacrifice.  In order for that to happen, he had to have someone be born to a virgin.  Jesus paid the price for ALL of us.  Not just a few, but for all.  

So I could carry you in and give you life - By dying on the cross, Jesus gave us life.  He gave us the hope that we might live in Him.  We have a choice.  We have a choice to choose eternal life or choose eternal death.  Which do you choose?

I want to give you life - Jesus is constantly reiterating that He wants to give us life.  Not just the life that we are born with, but that we might have life and have it abundantly.  This does not mean materialistic life.  This means a life like unto His.  We are to live like Jesus did and we are to do as Jesus did.  And what's even more amazing, is the road is going to be bumpy.  There are going to be trials and tribulations along the way.  Jesus was crucified for what He believed, how should we be so different.  I'm grateful for the hard times in my life.  Suffering brings thanksgiving.  Without suffering, there would be no compassion.  There would be no thankfulness.  There would be no love.  There would be no hope.  If Jesus wouldn't have suffered for us, we would be hopeless right now.  We would be crying and desperate to figure out where we would spend eternity.  But one thing is for sure.  When you confess your sins and ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior, you will know where you will spend eternity.  I know where I'm doing to spend eternity, do you?  

Cause I, I love you - What greater love, than for Jesus to lay down His life for us.  The gospel is such an affirmation of love.  

I want you to know - He is constantly trying to get our attention.  He wants us to know that there is another way.  We don't have to die and have eternal death.  We can die an earthly death so that we might live. We will spend eternity worshiping and praising our Lord and Savior.  What a glorious time that will be!

That I, I love you - Jesus is constantly pouring His love out on me.  Could it get any better than that?  Not hardly.  The love that Jesus is constantly showing me is one that can never be touched.  He is the author and creator of love.  And He has shown what true obedience is.

I'll never let you go - He's always by my side.  He will never leave me.  His arms are always around me, guiding me into the directions of His plans for my life.  


Jesus, thank you for being so obedient and giving Your life for me.  When the burdens in my life are too hard to carry, thank you for reminding me that my load will never be as much as yours was.  The burden of shame and guilt for all of the sins of the world, was much more than anyone else could ever bear.  But You carried that burden with open arms.  You are the Highest of Highs.  You are my King.  You are my Everything!  Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!  

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Jesus, I will carry my cross for You...

This past Thursday, September 24, 2009 we buried my cousin Sabrina. I had just seen her 3 weeks prior when I was home and for whatever reason, that trip home made my heart break for my cousins. Sabrina, Kanyon, Kalyn, Kalyn (yes I have 2 cousins named Kalyn...one on each side of the family), even Cody and Gavin who aren't my cousins but might as well be as much as I have been around them my whole life. There is an epidemic going on people! It used to be cocaine overdoses and heroin overdoses. Then it was oxycontin overdoses. Now it's prescription drug overdoses. People are dying just by going to their doctor and getting prescriptions for controlled narcotic drugs. Prescription pills are not supposed to kill you. But if you start taking more than you are prescribed, there are going to be major consequences. Unfortunately our family has never questioned "if" we would bury Sabrina or any of the others, it has always been a matter of "when." Unfortunately, Sabrina's "when" came a lot sooner than we thought. Did we do enough to help her? That's the question I can't get out of my mind. She was a grown woman. She knew what she was doing. But still....did I do enough? Did our family do enough? Did anyone do enough to try and help her? This is where it becomes a personal decision.

You can't help someone who won't help themselves. Trust me, I've tried. My other family has tried. Not only with Sabrina, but many other of my family members. My dad used to be addicted to Xanex after he was in a car accident 15 years ago that ended his wrestling career. It started with depression. My dad was on top of the world! He was wrestling for WCW down in Atlanta and getting ready to do a match with WWF, when his entire dreams were taken away from him in an instant. A lady ran a stop sign at 70 mile an hour and t-boned my dad's car as he was on his way to the hospital to see my grandfather who was getting ready to pass away. My grandpa ended up living 2 more months, but my dad was in the hospital for almost a month with his brain bleeding and his back broke. When they finally let him out, he was on every painkiller imaginable.

I've never written about this and I've never really talked about it.

Within 7 days of my dad being out of the hospital, he was addicted to Xanex. I was only 13 at the time, but I would constantly hear people in town talking about my dad and how everytime they would see him, he was slurring so bad they couldn't even understand him when he talked. He would literally drool all over the place because he was so out of it. This went on for quite awhile. Finally he went to rehab. Until this past week, I never knew what happened after that. Maybe I blocked that part of my life out, I don't know. But after burying Sabrina this past week, my dad told me how he finally stopped abusing the prescription drugs. He told me that he didn't want me getting older and having to visit his grave knowing that he didn't have to die. He realized that having a child was worth more than any drug that he could ever take. He told me he was ordered to mandatory 72 hours of rehab and after those 72 hours were up, they told him that it would be better for him to stay longer and he agreed.

That was 12 years ago. I am proud to say that my father is no longer addicted to these drugs. Because of his accident and his back was broke and his brain was bleeding, he does have a morphine pump that is installed inside him. The doctors say he will have it the rest of his life.

I'm so grateful that I was able to go home and be with my family this past week. I saw Jessica the first night I was home and some pretty incredible things were happening. It blew both of us away. God's hands were all over this tragic situation. I really honestly believe that God was preparing me and Jessica and it started weeks ago. When I was home at the end of August, Jess and I were driving back to Medaryville from Michigan City and we were talking. We both said that we felt like something was getting ready to happen to our family. Something to wake our family up. The preacher at my church I went to back at home, told Jessica over a year ago that God spoke to him and God was going to do something to show the Shepperd family and wake them up. Boy has He ever!

I pray that people start opening their eyes and wake up and realizing that there is soooo much more to life! All I hear from people back home is that they take this pill and that pill, this drug and that drug because their life is so horrible and they don't have a job, or money, or a house, or whatever. They don't stop to think that the problem lies in what they are choosing to do over those things. They are making those drugs their god. When we put things before God, He is going to take them away from us. My dad is a HUGE example. God allowed my dad's accident to happen right when my dad was at the height of his wrestling career. Why? My dad used to be a VERY blessed Christian man. Then he started his wrestling career and he made that his god. He put wrestling before God and God took it away from him. My dad and I have had this conversation many times and he knows its the truth. I've seen things like this happen more often than not.

Exodus 20:3 says "You shall have no other gods before Me." (NIV) God is a jealous God. He doesn't want anybody to put anything in front of Him. He wants to be our everything. We are truly blessed that the same God that created all of this earth, wants us to love Him more than anything in this world.

If you are sad, lonely, depressed, or just think that nothing ever goes right for you...give it all to God! I'm not talking about just turning your problems over to Him (even though He would love to take care of them for you) but I'm talking about turning your LIFE over to Him. Let God take control of your life. Fully surrender to Him and see how your life can be transformed. It's not always going to be sunshine and flowers, but even through the hard times you will ALWAYS have someone there to lean on, to talk to, to cry to, and to love. This world that we live in nowadays is HARD. It is a cruel and evil world. If we didn't have God to turn to, who would we have? No one! The people of this world will let you down. Even Christians will sometimes let you down. But there is One who will NEVER let you down! When you are carrying your cross for Jesus, you will be attacked. You will be mocked and you will be scrutinized. And why shouldn't you be? Look how they treated Jesus! What makes us any better that we wouldn't get the same treatment?

When I was in Israel, I bought this statue made from the olive wood tree. It is a statue of Jesus and He is carrying His cross. It is a constant reminder of God's love for us. Jesus was so obedient that He gave His life for us on that cross. He carried that huge cross so that our selfish sins would be forgiven. He died so that we would have eternal life. Look around! Life is so short...life is but a vapor. People die everyday, all day. It's not a matter of "if," its a matter of "when." Are you ready? If you were to go to sleep tonight and never wake up again on this earth, do you know where you would wake up and spend eternity?

Foolish decisions lead to eternal consequences....

Jesus, I will carry my cross for You!

I will carry my cross for You,

I'll walk in Your footsteps my whole life through.

I'll do anything You would have me to do,

Jesus, I will carry my cross for You...

Most of my life, I traveled down,

The road of my own choosing.

You taught that if a man saves his own life,

His life he'll be losing...

I will carry my cross for You,

I'll walk in Your footsteps my whole life through.

I'll do anything You would have me to do,

Jesus, I will carry my cross for You...

They cursed You, they spit on You,

They beat You and mocked You in the streets,

They drove those cold steel spikes,

Through Your hands and your feet.

They thrust that spear into Your side.

I want to live for You, 'cause

It was for me You died...

I will carry my cross for You,

I'll walk in Your footsteps my whole life through.

I'll do anything You would have me to do,

Jesus, I will carry my cross for you...

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Be still my soul...be still.....

"Be still and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10 tells us to be patient. Did you know that when the word "still" is used as an adjective it means to remain in place or at rest? This verse is telling us to be at rest and know that HE is God...not you or I. God is SO much more than what we think. Many people believe that when they are going through trials in life, that God is punishing them. Although this may be the case sometimes, it is not most of the time. I believe that God puts us through our trials and tribulations so that we will turn to Him. In some cases, it is a first time believer. Some cases are people who were once Christians, but had turned their back on God. Most are already Christians.

How often do we turn our backs on our Father, only to realize that we can not go through our trials and tribulations alone? Most of the trials and tribulations that we go through in life are brought on by our own stupidity, selfishness, or lack of patience. I, for a fact, know that those 3 characteristics are exactly why I have been through all of my trials and tribulations.

Patience is probably one of the worst things I deal with in my life. I can't ever recall a time that I have been patient about something. It's just who I am. Before, it didn't bother me. Now it does. God is teaching me patience every day. I wonder if it is because we learn to be impatient at such an early age, that it becomes worse and worse as we get older. When we are young, all the talk is about the future. Not the future as in a few days from now, but the future as in a few years from now, or ten years from now. In creating our own plans for the future, we fail. We fall short. Why? Because we are the ones making the plans, not God. We aren't being patient enough to let God create the story of our life. We want to create our destiny. How selfish of us.

You can look around you at any time and see God's creation. Amazing!! How awesome is it to know that from the smallest of insects to the highest of mountains, God created it. Be still and know that He is God. We did not create the insects. We did not create the mountains. God did. If God is capable of creating such wonderful scenic masterpieces, why would we not think that He would be the best at creating our destiny or our future. Why do we as humans feel that we are so worthy to do a job that God had designed from the beginning of our time.

We are in such a hurry to figure out our life that we forget to stop and remember the reason we are on this earth in the first place. We are here to serve God. We are here to do His will. Why do we make our plans so much more important? As you know I talk about singleness a lot. I truly believe that I'm single for a reason. God has bigger plans for me. That literally makes me want to jump up and down with joy. The same God that created the heavens and the earth has a plan for ME!!! He loves me enough to want to guide my life, but I have to allow Him to. Guess what though, I'm not the only person that He wants to have this opportunity with. He wants to guide EVERYONE'S life!

You may feel lost or depressed and feel like there is no way that you can keep going. The saying goes that God is not going to give you more than you can handle. But nobody continues that saying and says "but if He does give you too much to handle, He wants to take care of it for you..." Why do we always want to keep God in a little area of our life and not let Him out of it? Why do we only want to go to Him every now and then, but think we can handle everything else ourselves? God wants to be our Comforter, our Protector, our Everything! He is the Alpha and Omega! The First and the Last! But we only let Him be "our sometimes..."

The book I'm reading right now is called "Sacred Singlesness" by Leslie Ludy. Wow! She talks a lot about being content in Christ. If we could all just find our contentment in Him instead of things of this world. Like I said earlier, God created us to serve Him. There is a part in the book that says "Don't fall prey to the lie that Jesus Christ is not enough to fulfill the longings of your heart. The most satisfying, spectacular divine romance with Jesus awaits us if we simply allow Him to be everything to us." Jesus wants to be everything that we need in life. He wants us to go to Him for everything. Anything that we need in life, He wants to give it to us. Notice I said "need" and not "want."

Also like I said before. I know I talk a lot about singleness, but I truly believe soooo many people need to understand how amazing it is! I want to be single until the moment that God brings someone to me. And at that time, I only want to fall in love with someone who makes me fall more in love with God. I no longer will be seeking anybody. If God wants me to be married, He is perfectly capable of sending that person to me. There is no reason for me to go searching any longer. This applies not only to me, but to literally every single person out there. STOP SEARCHING!!! Let God take control! God knows the joys of your heart. God knows your longings. As long as you trust in Him and give Him your all, He will provide for you. "Be still and know that I am God..." Be patient, be at rest and know that He is God. He can do anything. Singleness allows for an opportunity that few realize. It allows us to completely surrender to God with no distractions. It allows us to be completely used for His kingdom in ways that we never knew possible. We just have to allow Him to take control of our lives and have His way. That doesn't mean that the married people are out of luck as far as being used for His kingdom. But if the person you are with does not draw you closer to God, but further away....something has to change. That is not what God wants for our lives. He wants us to have a beautiful love story that is based on His love story that He has shown us.

God is so amazing and there are not enough words to express how thankful I am for Him allowing His Son to die for our sins. What an incredible love story. He loves us enough that He sent His ONLY Son to die on the cross for us. I'm so thankful that Jesus was obedient. If we could all learn from His obedience, how this world would be so much different.

REFUGE in the morning...I can't wait. Thank you Jesus for loving us enough to lay down Your life.

"I promise you,

I’m always there...
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair,
I’ll carry you...
When you need a friend,
You’ll find my footprints in the sand..."

Leona Lewis : Footprints in the Sand

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When did we become so selfish?

Did you know that for the fiscal year of 2007 Starbucks had grossed $9,411,500,00o. That is approximately $25,784,931 a day. Over $25 million dollars each day is being spent on some sort of coffee/caffeine. Most people drink coffee in the morning to help jump start their day. Either they didn't sleep well or didn't get enough sleep. What about the homeless who can't even get just 1 good night's rest? How are we so much better than them?

Imagine sleeping outside every night. Imagine sleeping on a hard ground where you have to lay your head on something that does not even closely fit the description of comfortable. Imagine if, for just one day, everyone took the money they would have spent at Starbucks and placed it in a universal pot. This collection would be used to make sure that the homeless had something to lay their heads on at night.

Did you know that there are approximately anywhere from 1.5 - 3 million homeless people in America? Crazy to think about isn't it? Well while I was at Wal-Mart tonight I priced out the cost of brand new pillows. When is the last time you bought a pillow and paid more than $10 for it? I have done it plenty of times. I need to be comfortable right? Well they have pillows at Wal-Mart for $3.96 that are just as soft and durable as the $10 pillows. What was I thinking for spending over $10 on just 1 pillow for myself. At almost $4 per pillow, we could get 6,446,232 pillows for the homeless if we just decided to skip one day of Starbucks. Over 6 million pillows could be provided for people who have no where to sleep at night, but would at least have something comfortable to lay their heads on. That is double the amount of homeless people in America. We would have enough to buy every single homeless person a pillow AND still have money left over to help thousands of them get off the streets.

When did America become so selfish? Acts 20:35 states "It is more blessed to give than to receive." Why is this so hard for us to do?

I have been to quite a few churches in my lifetime. Most of them have only cared about what is going on inside of the 4 walls instead of what's happening on the outside. I believe I have finally found a place where the church whole heartedly wants to reach out to the homeless and the lost world. Not because they have to, but because they want to follow Christ's example. I have only been to 2 services at REFUGE, but am forever changed. Like I said in my blog last night, we were put on this earth to worship and follow Jesus. We know how it has affected and changed our lives, why would we not want to spread the goodness of God's love? Are we, as Christians, perfect? No. Am I perfect? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Many of you know the ups and downs that I have went through. But through God's grace, I am forgiven. Through His love and mercy, I have another opportunity to deny myself, take up my cross, and follow Him.

Thank you for humbling me Lord. From this moment on, I live my life for You.

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For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also...Matthew 6:21

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. " ::::: Matthew 6:19-21

Recently, I have went through so much of my material things in life and realized how much money I have spent on useless things. Things that I am now getting rid of. I have thrown sooo much away in the past few days. I also have a huge box of stuff that I'm going to be taking to Goodwill. Some of the stuff has never even been used. It's absolutely ridiculous.

I was talking to my dad on the phone the other day and he was telling me how he was working on a job up in Chesterton, IN and the job was in a neighborhood that he said resembled Beverly Hills. He never even knew this place existed in Chesterton and he works up there all the time. The guy that they were doing a job for had literally spent over $50,000 on landscaping for his yard. For what??? For someone else to admire and enjoy?? I can see spending a few hundred dollars to landscape, but $50,000???? Imagine if he would have taken just $1,000 of that money and donated it to 100 families. Maybe it would have bought winter coats for their children for the year. How selfish have we become that we would rather spend money on useless, materialistic items than make sure the little child down the street does not freeze in the cold.

This has been a huge burden on my heart since I have came home from my last trip to Indiana. I got back last Thursday night and have just been heart broken ever since. So many of my cousins have apparently decided that drugs and pills are more important than their children and families. One of my cousins has 4 little children and they mean the absolute WORLD to me...their mother has pretty much decided that she doesn't want anything to do with them, which has caused my cousin to take full custody of them. Don't get me wrong, he is doing the best he can to raise his children, but I don't think he is doing enough. Is it my place to say this, probably not. But I hate watching his children growing up knowing that they are getting all that they deserve. Anyway, enough of that subject as it just breaks my heart and makes me cry everytime I think about. I have been praying for my cousins and my family really hard. We have had a lot of events happen in our family and I hope that God can get them to wake up and realize that He is the ONLY way.

At REFUGE on Sunday, Kenny preached on this very same thing. It was almost like he had witnessed what I did in Indiana and knew exactly what I needed to hear. How we need to help the lost and dying world. Many people who are on drugs and pills and are alcoholics believe they are too far gone for God to love them. That couldn't be further from the truth. As long as you are breathing, you have a chance to change your life. God loves everyone and wants everyone to follow Him. That is what we were put on this earth for. Many people believe we were put here to grow up, go to school, meet that special someone, get married, have a family and work the rest of our life. The "American Dream" right? Nope, not so much. We were put on this earth to worship and follow our Savior, Jesus.

This brings me to the continuation of the verses in Matthew 6 where in verse 33 it says "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." So many people worry about things in life that Jesus can provide for us if we seek Him first. I'm guilty of it as well. Numerous times I have questioned how I was going to be able to pay for this or for that. But there has always been a way. Awhile back, I had decided that I wasn't going to worry about that anymore. I would let God provide for me if it was His will.

I have become a huge fan lately of the quote "Rejection is God's perfection." This quote can be used in ANY aspect of life. If it's God's will, it will be. If not, there is a reason God didn't allow you to have it. Who are we to question His reasoning? I'm a huge believer in everything happens for a reason. Same reason I believe I'm still in South Carolina. Like I said in a previous post, I could have moved back to Indiana many times in the past few months, but I believe God was telling me to stay here. He was making it work out for me to be able to do that. Whatever His reasoning is, I am perfectly fine with it. Even if it means being 900 miles away from ALL of my family and many of my friends. It gets lonely, but I want to give my life to God with complete abandonment. I want to serve God with everything that I have.

Which leads me to an amazing thing that has happened in my life. As you know, my old job moved up to Fort Mill back in March and I was going to go work up there and move up there. I cancelled the lease on my condo in Hammock Bay and put all of my stuff in storage. After that, I went to Destin with Stacy and Britt for a week and decided then that I wanted to go into business with them. So we started our own condo company. Well fast forward to the next 4 months and Stacy pretty much spent all of the company money, left Britt and I pretty much broke (company wise) and packed up and went back to Illinois. Well unfortunately, Britt and I just couldn't pick it back up. So I decided that I would start looking for a new job. I applied for TONS of positions. Some within the travel industry, but more outside the industry. So Jacquelyn and I are out shopping one day and I get a call from one company requesting a phone interview for a position that would be a work from home opportunity. I would have been booking cruises for over 39 different companies and brands. So I am beyond excited. Sounds like the perfect opportunity. I go through the first phone interview and then the second. Next thing you know. I'm being offered the position. So I accept. Not kidding, but 15 minutes after I accept the position, I get a phone call from AAA requesting an interview for the position I had applied for through them. So of course I go to the interview to see what they have to offer. I had to meet with 3 people at the same time. Talk about intimidating. LOL Especially since I hadn't been in an interview in almost 5 years. So I talk with them for about an hour. One of the ladies ask if I would be available for a second interview. Of course! :) So I go home to Indiana since I knew the call wouldn't come for a couple of days. I got the call last Wednesday requesting a second interview for this past Friday. Now in the meantime, I had decided I was going to continue on with the position at home just in case I didn't get the job with AAA. So I go through the second interview process with 2 more ladies. One of them tells me that she will be in touch with me in the very near future. So of course I'm wondering if I'm actually going to get the job. I had been praying and praying and praying because it is the job I had really wanted. My training for the at home position was to start today at noon. Well last night at about 630, I read my "message from God" on Facebook and it said the following:

"Tiffany got a message that on this day God wants her to know....that you've been talking to God too much, and not listening enough. Prayer is when you talk to God. Meditation is when you become quiet and listen to God. You've learned how to talk and ask well. Time to learn how to listen and hear, because God has been answering you."

Crazy right? Well I never thought about it much. Well about 10:00 last night I'm sitting at the table on my laptop and all of a sudden I'm like "I can't take that at home job. I just can't." The hours were crazy, I had to be available from 7 a.m. to 3 a.m. and my schedule would be anytime between that. That would take away from my volunteer opportunities that I'm gonna be starting soon and also more importantly, God. So I text my roomie while she is at work and ask her if she thinks I'm crazy for not taking it. She of course says no and that I'm gonna get the job with AAA. :) So I wake up this morning and decide that I'm going to email the company and let them know that I have decided to decline the job working from home. I'm not kidding you, 4 minutes later, my phone rang and it was AAA offering me the position. I started crying when I hung up the phone from them. I knew that it was the feeling I had last night was God telling me not to continue with the at home job and to trust in Him and He would provide. And as soon as I put my trust in Him. He did just that. He provided. What an amazing praise and I'm sooo thankful to be able to give Him the praise and honor. He is soo amazing! With this job, I will be able to work for a HIGHLY respectable company and still be able to do my condo bookings on the side, which is a huge passion of mine.

What an awesome day it was today. I'm sooo thankful for so much in my life. We may not think we are, but we are truly blessed and VERY rich. Even if we don't think so. Think of all of the people in the world that don't have shoes, or a place to lay their heads at night. This leads me to the next burden on my heart. Pillows....I have 5 on my bed. What a luxury that many people don't have. I really want to buy a bunch of pillows and give them to the homeless. Even if many of them don't have a bed to sleep on, they can at least have something soft to lay their heads on. This is gonna be a project of mine that I am going to work on....I just feel like it's something I need to do.

God is so amazing. If you do not have a personal relationship with Him, I encourage you to take the step and ask God to forgive you of your sins. Thank you Lord for forgiving me and loving me, when I deserve it least.

"If God is on our side

Who can be against us?

If God is on our side

We won't be afraid

Though the mountains may fall

And the sky will crumble

There ain't nothin' gonna stand in our way..."

Chris Tomlin "God Is On Our Side"

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God changes our directions whether we want Him to or not...

When God is in control of your life, it doesn't matter which direction you want to turn. God will always steer you in the way that He wants you to go. I used to be scared of this, now I embrace it. Im' single and living my life in the way that God wants me to. I'm letting him take the reins of my life and lead me to do whatever He would have me to do.

So much of my life has changed in the past 6 months and I thought it was going to be scary. But I have now realized that everything I have went through since then has just been preparing me for the life that God is wanting me to lead right now. That is amazing! I signed up to volunteer with the SC chapter of Make-A-Wish and Ronald McDonald House and I got my paperwork for both of them. I can't wait to help make a difference in someone else's life. I read an article online that talked about how singleness is a sacred opportunity. I believe this to be 100% completely true. I thought my last relationship would lead to something that would last forever, but God had other plans. And that is okay.

There is a quote that says, "For it is when we take our eyes off our own inadequacies and losses that we are truly able to be used for others." and how completely true is that. For some reason we tend to think about ourselves all the time. Our wants and needs. But how great is it when we forget about what we want and need and focus more on what other people's needs are. It's amazing.

Being single and being okay with it has opened up some opportunities for me. I know that I'm getting older, I'm reminded of it everyday. But I believe that God has that perfect someone for me, and he is out there, but God hasn't wanted us to meet yet. For whatever reason. I have had plenty of opportunity to move back to Indiana in the past 6 months, for some reason I feel like God is telling me to stay here. I'm not sure why, but I can't wait to find out. If God wanted me to be married right now, I know that He is more than capable of sending someone to me. :) For now, I'm content. I'm ready to be used for God's great works. If I meet someone along the way, then so be it. But I will only be committed to someone from now on, if I know for sure that it is God's will. I don't want to keep breaking off pieces of my heart and giving them away to people who don't truly care about me. I've done it in the past and it has gotten me nowhere.

I had the opportunity to attend REFUGE yesterday and it was nothing short of amazing. Such a small setting (because its fairly new) but the power of God in that room was sooo AWESOME! I'm glad I just happened to read my friend's status on Facebook or else I would have never known anything about it. I decided to look it up online and found someone who gave me some more info about it. It's amazing what God does. :)

I'm pretty stoked about life right now because God is sooo amazing! I can't wait to share His goodness with everyone!

-------

Currently listening to the following:

"Till I See You" by Hillsong United

"The Stand" by Hillsong United

"To Know Your Name by Hillsong United

"At Your Feet" by Melissa Greene

and everything by Kari Jobe....she is sooo amazing and has such a powerhouse, God given voice and talent.

Currently reading:

"Crazy Love" by Frances Chan

"Authentic Beauty" by Leslie Ludy

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She pressed through the crowd hoping that she might see...she said if I can touch Jesus, I know I'll be free...

Okay...so today was not a good day. In fact, this week hasn't exactly been the best. Dealing with health issues and everything else has not been fun. But things are looking up and God is in control. Finally I feel like my life is going forward instead of being either at a stand still or always looking back.

I have always been obsessed with books ever since I have been little. Well being in my late 20's has not changed that. I'm currently trying to read like 4 books right now (yes, my non-diagnosed ADHD has something to do with this) and one of them is by this author named Sheri Rose Shepherd. She has a ministry called His Princess Ministries and her writings are pretty amazing. I bought one of her books called "His Princess...Love Letters from Your King" and it's nothing short of wonderful. She writes this book based on scriptures and pens them as love letters from God to us. It's like there is one for every reaction to life.

Whenever I read my Bible, I always pray that God will show me something that I need to learn. He has never let me down. Well with this book it's no different. There really isn't an order to read this book, so I have kind of been skipping around. So today before opening it, I prayed that God would show me something to encourage me through this time in my life. I opened it up to page 46 and read the letter and immediately started crying. To realize how God hears us and knows our heart and our hurts is ever so amazing. I could never thank Him enough. The letter is as follows:

My Princess...I Will Redeem the Time For You.

I know that sometimes you look back on your life with anguish and regret - so much time wasted on things that did not matter. But take heart, My love. I am your redeemer, and today is a new day. So start now by seeking My plans, which are to give you hope and a future. Just as I used hardship in Joseph's life to lead him to a position of leadership, influence, and blessing, I've also called you. I will use your past to carve into your character everything you need for the here and now. I want you to let your past experiences teach you and not torment you. Remember, My princess, I will always turn into good what others meant for harm. I will redeem what was lost and place you on the narrow road that leads to everlasting life.

Love,

Your King and your Redeemer

This letter is based on Jeremiah 29:11 that says "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."

God doesn't want to us think bad about ourselves and our lives. He wants to provide for us. He wants to protect us. Where we as humans fail is that we think we can do it all ourselves and that we don't need anyone, but we do. We need God. Whether we think God is there for us or not, He is. He always will be. It is just our choice if we would rather Him take the reigns or we try to fend for ourselves on this course we call life.

He keeps opening up my eyes everyday and I am soo thankful for that. I'm so thankful for what I have seen and done in my life, but I realize that a lot of it is selfish. I am very fortunate and there are so many that aren't. I decided to sign up to volunteer with Ronald McDonald House in Columbia and also the SC Chapter of Make-A-Wish. I just hope they have a spot for me. With that, I don't know how the rest of my life is going to pan out, but I'm anxious for God to show me. With Him, I can do anything. :)

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Let the world fade away, I need to be alone...

What's the best way to get over someone? Does anyone have any scientific answer that has been proven to work 100% of the time? If someone can help me find the answer, i'll be forever grateful.

My mind hurts, my heart hurts, and it's making my whole body hurt. Have you ever been so in love with someone that it physically makes your entire body hurt? What makes it worse is when you know you can't be with that person. And the reason for that is beyond your control. It's been a year and a half. If we didn't talk everyday, it would be easy. But it's just not easy.

I just sent him an email telling him that it's just better if we parted ways and I'm really not expecting to hear back from it. But that's okay. It's time to move on and let go. My main focus right now is myself and my relationship with God. I feel that I need to be more rooted in Christ before I can put myself into another relationship. A Bible verse I have found comforting right now is:

"The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them." :::: Psalm 145:18-19

God does hear our cries. I feel like He is standing behind me, hand on my shoulder, telling me it will all be alright and that He will be there for me and take care of me. Lonestar sings a song called "Hey God" and the lyrics couldn't be more fitting. A verse goes:

You have your ways, you have your plan
Sometimes mysterious and hard to understand

I am humbled by your grace and everything you do
Hey, God, hey, God, I just wanna thank you

How true is that. God has His ways and His plans for us. A lot of times we don't understand them at the time, but eventually we realize that it was in His plan for our life. I'm letting go and letting God. I'm giving it to the One who can heal my heart.

Thank you God for loving me enough to never leave my side. For never wanting anything in return except my obedience. Thank you!

Let the world fade away, I need to be alone
Simply fall on my face, here before your throne
Father find me now as I bow

At Your feet, I sing to who You are
At Your feet, I offer all my heart
At your feet, it's You that I adore

I worship You, my Lord

The best of life for me is at Your feet.

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Why do I do it if I don't want to know the outcome?

So we all know that I'm a reincarnation of Nancy Drew. I certainly don't believe in reincarnation, but every now and then I stop and wonder. Certain things that have happened in my life have caused me to be this way. People can't lie to me, because I will find out. Somehow, someway I will find out. That's just who I am and that's just what I do.

Now....with that said. I honestly hate that I have created this thought process in my mind that I must analyze, interrogate, and investigate everything and everyone that comes into my life. It is very hard for me to trust people. When I was young, I trusted everyone. Now, not so much. How do I fix this, how do I change it? I know that the Bible talks about trusting God. That I can handle. It's people in the world. And people who represent themselves as Christians.

In Psalm 118:8-9, it clearly states " It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in princes." How true is this. Man can not be trusted.

I used to trust anyone and everyone that I met. I would give them the benefit of the doubt until he/she betrayed me. Unfortunately the latter has happened more often than not, which leaves me to where I am today. Some of the things that I have found out about certain people who have come and gone in my life have honestly disturbed me. These things have caused me a lot of heartache and sadness. So why do I continue to do it? Is it better to know these things than to not know. What starts off harmless, ends up breaking my heart. I always get hurt in the end.

I have learned that given any opportunity, the people you trust the most will lie to you, say things behind your back, or just make up completely crazy stories. All because they don't think you will find out. That's when we realize how small the world actually is.

Is there a way to cut off my curiosity? Is there anything in the Bible that talks about being curious and always wanting to know answers to everything. I am a very content person, but not when it comes to people. It's like I'm not content until I know for sure if they are being truthful and honest.

When I meet someone, I want to trust that person. I want to know that everything he is saying is actually coming from the heart and aren't just words spoken. Until I know that it is someone that God has sent for me, I don't think I will be content with words that are spoken to me. Actions speak louder than words. That's definitely for sure.

Does anyone else have this problem?

Onto another note. I went to church this past Sunday with Jessica and it was wonderful. Amazing worship music and when I left, I actually felt like I had worshipped God instead of sitting in a pew, ready to fall asleep. The guy that preached Sunday talked about a book that I had never heard of before. The book is called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. He says that the entire staff had read the book and it was just amazing. Here comes my curiosity again. So I go and purchase the book.

Wow! That's really all I can say. I'm currently getting ready to start Chapter 4 and already am in complete awe of my different view on God. And no it's not in a bad way. Francis Chan writes in a way that makes you think differently than you normally would. He really puts God into perspective and how we try and live a right life and do things the right way, but are we really in a love relationship with God?

Sure, there are a lot of people who have been married for years and years and years. But are they happy? I honestly don't believe you can actually be completely in love with someone until you really know what love is. God is love. To love God is the ultimate gift to ourselves. Until you know God's love for you, can you really express it to someone else. It just becomes words. That is why it takes 3 to make a marriage work. Sure that couple will still have problems, but they will love each other till the end. They will take their vows seriously and when they are spoken, will be a way of life, not just words out of a mouth.

To love someone the way that God loves us, that is what love is about. God's love will pour out of you. Everything else will just fall into place.

Another part of the book demonstrates how we feel that the life we live on this Earth is all about us. It's not about us. It's about God. Like the book states, when we die, no one is going to remember what we drove, or where we lived, or what job we had. What is going to matter is how we served God and what we did for His kingdom and for others here on Earth. Life is like a vapor. It is here and gone in the blink of an eye. Stand up for what is true. We know that the Bible is true. We know that is God's word and His guide for our life. Be prepared to be knocked down when you are standing for Him.

Like the quote says "God never promised life would be easy...He just promised it would be worth it."

I absolutely LOVE worship music. There are some amazing God given talents out there in the Christian music world. I talk a lot about Kari Jobe. Now she possesses the heart of God. Then there is Darlene Zschech with Hillsong. What another amazing powerful voice. One of the songs by Hillsong is called "Here in my Life." Such strong and powerful lyrics:

I have never walked on water
felt the waves beneath my feet but
at Your word Lord, I'll receive Your
faith to walk on oceans deep

and I remember how You found me
in the very same place
all my failings surely would have drowned me
still You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus, You're the reason
I'm kneeling again at Your throne
where would I be without You here in my life
here in my life

These are not all of the lyrics, but just a snippet of what the song is about. What amazing words spoken about our Savior. Where would we be without Him in our lives. He is our freedom and He is the reason for our life. He is the reason for everything.

Thank you Lord for opening my eyes this week. I'm forever changed by you.

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Standing Firm

Every week I get an email that comes from the Beth Moore site. It's called "Weekly Encouragement." I would like to share to this one with everyone...

Standing Firm

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Hurricanes in Houston. Tornadoes in Kansas. Earthquakes in California. Avalanches in Everest. Tsunamis in Asia. Welcome to life on our planet. The same gravity that sticks our feet to the floor throws curve balls through our air. One day we're well. The next day we're sick. At Christmas we get a bonus. In January we're in debt. If your victory depends on the right circumstances, you may as well wave the white flag and surrender to defeat. Just go ahead and take that snort. Gulp that fourth gin and tonic. Binge and purge that pizza, a side of garlic bread, and half gallon of mint chocolate chip. Sleep with that jerk again. Eat, drink, and be miserable.

Or you could make up your mind that you're in with God, standing upon that rock, for the rest of your days. The apostle Paul called it being found in Christ (see Philippians 3:9). No matter how long it's been since you've seen me, He is where you can find me. Whether my health flourishes or fails, that's where I'll be. Richer or poorer, I've made up my mind. In the light of day or dark of night, find me in Christ. Spouse or not. Kids or not. Job or not. I've made up my mind.

When you've made that decision and given your heart, mind, and soul in all their fissured parts; and when you've given your past, present, and future "to him who is able to keep you from falling" (Jude 1:24 NIV); and when you know you're absolutely in, come what may . . . congratulations, Sweet Thing. . . . Your feet are on a rock.

Beth Moore

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